Fonder? I’m not sure that this is true for me.
Often the absence of someone in my life just helps me realise that I didn’t need them in my life for the things I thought I needed them there for and that I’m getting along fine without them. Not a nasty ‘I didn’t need you anyway’ more of a ‘wow, I really can do this myself’ realisation.
Even my father, dead now for nearly five years, there are occasions when I weep for his absence but they get less, and they are more a weep of the unfinished than a weep of loss. If my father were still here would I have done the things that I have done in the last five years? The answer is probably not. Am I more fond of him now that he has died? No, not at all. I remember him as he was, with all his faults and blemishes.
This post is because I have had a few people come back into my life who have been absent for a while. It has been lovely to see them, lovely to reconnect and reignite friendships but it has also made me think about whether their loss and subsequent return has changed things for me.
Maybe it’s the little pushes that an old friend can give you that a new one just doesn’t know about. Absence makes the heart grow stronger though, is my feeling. So that when the ones who have left come back (if they ever do) you have found a way to give yourself the thing that they once gave you, maybe you can even give them something back.