In The Cold, Hard Light Of Day

It’s happening again. One of our dogs is having a seizure. It’s only just started in the last few days; she’s an old girl and already had cancerous growths removed three times, the first time when she was only six years old, and the vet thinks that one of them might now be an intracranial tumour and causing the fits.

Tonight’s fit, or series of fits actually, are bad. I think she is reaching the end. After the first tumours were found we were told that she would keep growing them and that one day there would be one that went inside and we’d not know. Chemo wouldn’t stop them, nor amputation.

Over the years the tumours have appeared all over her body but always just under the skin. After her last surgery we decided that there would be no more (she was 10) as the operation and anaesthesia knocked her around so. It’s been three years without an op and with relatively slow tumour growth but now we have the fits. I think this is the beginning of the end, a very fast end probably, relatively.

The vet said that she may fit until she goes into a coma. I think that might be the path she is on. I’ve given her some medication. It’s human medication but the vet told me I could use it, it won’t harm her. It may calm her down and decrease the fits, she’s had four in the last half hour.

Our other dog looks at us bewildered and confused. He has never coped well when she has been away for operations, always treating her like some alien invader when she comes home groggy from the anaesthesia. Tonight he is not that bad but he has jumped away once when she started kicking him while having a seizure, I can’t blame him for that, it is a bit disconcerting.

Ah no, seizure number five. Shorter this time but quite strong. She’s now very exhausted. Her breathing is deeper. I think (hope) the drugs are kicking in and she will be sedated enough to have no more tonight.

I know you are all probably thinking that instead of blogging about this I should be taking her to the vet or at least calling the vet. Well, I’ve already had the conversation with the vet the first time and it’s now 10.50pm and vets charge really big bills anyway, never mind when it’s after hours.

We all love her. We all really want to be sure she is ok. We are up with her, touching her head, stroking her gently, trying to keep her clear of obstacles so she won’t hurt herself. Her girl came to visit her this week and she will be back again tomorrow. We will all have to make the hard decision together, I think, tomorrow, in the cold, hard light of day.

Update: The next morning she was in a permanent state of seizure. We called the vet. There was no hesitation, she should suffer no longer. Our lovely, dopey girl was given an injection that gently took her life away. It was fast and humane.

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